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 The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"

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Vir Honestus
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PostSubject: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Wed Jul 24, 2013 7:32 pm

Figured Id make this in case anyone want to leave feedback or critics. :-)


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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Tue Jul 30, 2013 12:22 am

1. love the new avatar :3
2.  possible name: Legend of Twilight? or reversal of, the twilight archive. Am I stumped too? yes.

For what is this? part 8?
Critiques: still see some areas that could use a few commas so it's easier to read the sentence and a few "thought"s are written as "though".
Also, I'm getting sick of your spoken parts being followed by a capitalized said [insert person]
like "spoken words." Said person. It's just kinda annoying. (it's considered one sentence anyway)

Anyhoo, I can't complain about the story because I know you write well and you have a clear, interesting, layered plot.
Youre representing each person and their personalities well. Speech patterns match and such.
I like the armor and equipment details (and game references).
I smiled at the Skyward Sword reference.
I can't wait for the Mirror Chamber.

One more thing:
 

I don't have any questions. yet. kinda wish i did


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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Tue Jul 30, 2013 11:43 am

woops I mistyped that. I had the thought of it being above it but didnt type it that way. Ill edit it now
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Thu Aug 01, 2013 11:35 pm

You little son of a gun. So many freaking layers (and a forgotten question mark) and I'm just gonna go in and capitalize the like 3 Links you missed. Also, do I pick up on influence from Sword Art Online? Where else could you have recently gotten the idea of the duel sword skill? I demand to know if my guess is right from how the defeat so reminds me of the fight between you and 'Michael'.
If I sound harsh, my apologies, I'm still filled with adrenaline from such an intense fight. I agree, it is an amazing chapter. I love how you make the intended reference of the Hero's Shade being the Hero of Time. The Sols as an anchor, I wasn't expecting. Is Link going to master more power of the Triforce like in Silent Kingdom, where the power truly tests his control? Because I know there's gonna be more than just Ganondorf's Triforce of Power fading thats gonna come back and bite him. (bite meaning Link)
Either way, a truly superb fight, fit for an adventurer.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:19 pm

No I've had the Idea of Link using two swords in a fight for a long long time. And as for capitalization, sometimes I type fast and get into the story I am typing so I miss somethings.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Fri Aug 02, 2013 8:22 pm

WHOA new post boxes. cool.

Um... I actually feel kinda bad. I had edited in my response above what edits I did in your last chapter but I guess it didn't save... and going through it again I came up with a really good concept question too. I added like 5 notes. Ill add my response to the new chapter after this but...still.



A transitional chapter, to transition into the past. Locked Door? of course it is lol. I like making Armogohma into the old Queen Gohma from OoT and the history lesson Link picks up from his studies. I feel excited to meet the tribe of warrior women. So how likely are they to arrest Link on sight? hee hee Also, I need not to worry about my earlier question, it seems my thinking, though well developed, is not the direction it's gonna take, but your choice of action is still a good read.
(It appears I'm still in my habit of proofreading. This post was better, I only saw 2 typos and a missed ?)
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sat Aug 03, 2013 4:49 pm

Sorry to all who have been reading my story. There will be no chapter today. My apologizes.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sun Aug 04, 2013 11:39 pm

Vir, isn't it mainly me reading it? lol

Really, I can only praise. The ending, its really powerful (arguably because I know the game and characters and always dwell deep within stories) their bond and love is screaming. I could cry it's so lovely.

I love all the different ways you connected OoT to TP,, in Gerudo Valley, but as Hyrule's history as well. Also you adding the desert vista, TP can see the ruins of OoT that we mentioned teh other night, the whole shabang really.

"Within his shadow Vincent and Rosalie were talking to one another slightly fearful of how Link was at the moment. They could only sense his blood lust and sense of urgency. They were actually growing fearful of Link. It was almost as if he was turning into a beast instead of a man."
Raven's reaction to reading this: *snickers* "woof"

Fighting the bokoblin, well executed Link, well executed.

Btw, I like your sig Wink


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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Aug 05, 2013 11:26 am

I personally felt as though I rushed it a bit. Maybe it was because I was typing so fast :-/
Ah well I'm glad you are enjoying it and no its not just you. My friend joined just to read my story.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Wed Aug 07, 2013 12:20 am

It's a nice calm down, the getting everyone to the infirmary and such.

It's a good chapter though, for what being you had to rewrite. It's missing a hint of that original post, but only because I can usually slightly tell. I just kinda wish you explained a bit who Jonas is or his appearance, but I can agree it could be done at a different time.

Map of the Twilight Realm: I thought the Twilians travel to the floating islands by twilight stallions? not bridges.

Lastly, I'm really excited, there will be a return of wolf Link :3 I could howl.


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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Wed Aug 07, 2013 1:18 pm

No I'm changing it from islands to an actual land mass. But each land mass in the Twilight Realm is a country only one is used though
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Wed Aug 07, 2013 10:52 pm

okay next chapter

not commenting on them sharing a room, just made me smile.
I love his warmup routine. Did you use knowledge from martial arts to make that? So involved, and I can see it being a real routine.
ok the fight
Stupid Jonas
I love Midna watching the fight, every thought of hers is so true.
Link is never bested as he is the best.

You forgot the ~~~ for the monster-like thing talking, setting change

Also, in general, I think you're doing a good job of it so far, but I wanted to remind you in the game Midna commented on Zelda being a poor ruler by being spoiled etc "how does that teach responsibility?" so... if you have a good idea how Midna would rule differently then the "pampered ruler" stereotype, please include it. xD
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Wed Aug 07, 2013 10:56 pm

I added it in on word it must not have transferred ill go edit it
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Wed Aug 07, 2013 10:59 pm

Ok its changed. even the italics I had for Midnas thought didn't transfer
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sat Aug 10, 2013 1:51 am

Ok, could the lord of those demons be like Majora or something? Huh, huh?

I like Link's conversation with Jonas. i like even more Midna learning something else about Zelda, whom she misjudged originally in the Light realm too.

Wolf painting! When reading I half thought it was the wolf-hero of Twilight legends, then realize it was Midna's adventure with Link xD (of course now I wish to make that to, too bad I don't have photoshop yet, I know several techniques I'd use to create a real nice effect on it)

Okay next monster, "Can't rest for two minutes can you before the next attack?" and the lack of description is probably a smart direction for such a strange demon.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sat Aug 10, 2013 2:26 pm

In the story it was four days that had passed since the initial attack...
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sun Aug 11, 2013 12:03 pm

Boss Battle: Giant Thing infront of Gates
don't ask me why im writing this how I am, i dont really know, I just did.

*reading, reading* ow *reading* come on Link, get 'im *further ahead* sweetness, hidden move Mortal Draw *reading death* *sighs relief* oh wait, darn, Link's hurt too, of course, where's the medic?

*Griffin recognizes monster corpse* "I have to be sure about this. If this is what I think it is then we are all in trouble. thought Griffin."
Ha! he must remember the legend or story or smthg that has the demon guy imprisoned and we'll see the connection soon!! Go younger scholar!

"Now what was my power split into again? Oh yes. The fused shadows and that cursed mask." said the figure. I knew it!

*Goes back to reading as I paused to write this*
and Griffin confirms it, woo!
Oh and did you really think Link wouldn't be awake that quickly? Come on

Outta curiosity, is the Hero of Time's tavern like the Milk Bar or a normal bar/tavern? He drinking Lon Lon Milk, Romani Chateau, or an alcoholic beverage?

hee hee:
 


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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sun Aug 11, 2013 2:32 pm

Yea it was Majora from the start but not the one we know lol Im changing his form drastically
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Aug 12, 2013 10:58 pm

I'm surprised you had time to post today. I'm glad you're doing well for your first day.

A calm chapter, with much history written on the stone tablet. Your recap of Majora's Mask was I think the right amount of detail. And now I do miss Navi Sad

I find it amusing how soo many of the main characters were doing research, then fallen asleep in process of researching.

Didn't see any typos neither, bravo Hero, bravo.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Wed Aug 14, 2013 10:37 am

Woot! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sat Aug 17, 2013 11:22 pm

I will now be spacing out the speech in the story this is an example.
(explanation explanation explanation)

(Someone says something)

(Another says something)

(Blah blah blah)

(Explanation etc.)

I think this will make it easier to read and distinguish who says what as well as make the chapter seem a little bit longer. Happy reading.

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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Tue Aug 20, 2013 12:02 am

Cute how everyone stares at their princess sleeping differently than normal.
Though I forgot for a moment that yes, Link and Midna are more than best friends here.

I'm a little disappointed. When Link was explaining his weaponry at breakfast, it is not mentioned that the Master Sword absorbed the Sols of the Twilight Realm, glowing with their power when within it. I expected them to remember that as it occurred by Link saving theri realm.

But, I'm intrigued by the idea of Shadow Weaver, that will be added to my sketch book ;-)
Edit: I should tell you later, an extra connection I see between the two powerful blades

Link's twilight stallion should be named Ebony Sad shadow of Epona :-D

major critique out of my own stubbornness of anatomy:
 

Ear scratching was really cute :3

Structure:
the skipping spaces works fine.
I think there should be a ~~~~ line between at the stable and riding to the ruins, otherwise the setting change feels too subtle.
I'm gonna change the 2 or 3 typos I see in wording (like a "wold" to "wolf") nothing more this time.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Tue Aug 20, 2013 2:31 pm

Yea i forgot about the ~~~~~~~~s and as for the horses name I haven't thought of any, these were just some they had in the stables. The transformation of Link I know could have been described better but I wont have time to edit it right now.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Thu Aug 22, 2013 3:36 pm

I will put up a chapter today! Since I dont work or anything tonight
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Thu Aug 22, 2013 10:40 pm

Thoughts leading up to page loading: come on! come on! let me explore the pretty city...i wanna see it. I'm just gonna bur-walk down the old alleys, gazing at the architecture; end up disorientated and require someone's help or a map.

Likes the pass the stick around the campfire portion of the twilian group speaking of the history in awe at large ancient city

looking at city and Evander wanting to explore: quite a few grammatical errors, your missing a few plurals and smthg else i can't remember what is called.

Critique: in the part of "What Link failed to notice was the shadow..." I know it's a type-what-I'm-thinking sort of thing, but you've done it quite a few times before. Couldn't you say "Link failed to notice the shadow..." and omit the "what" and the "was"?

@_@ (at city) Wants to draw.... badly.... *whines softly*

Ah "yet", gotta love that key word 'yet', *reads* long distance...stairs...more stairs... LUNCH... stairs ...*reads that the archeologists keep looking at stuff* "oh that'd so be me" *reads Midna scolding them* "Yep! that's still me!!"

Does shrine parallel the fact TP Temple of Time dungeon has those bells in it? (that teleport the statue 'tween room)

... *reads* growing impacient for cool sword...
okay, belfry just sounds suspicious, not only with shadow whatevs is following them, but just stairs leading to tower with a bell they've been hearing the whole time. sounds too suspicious. *goes back to reading*

oooo...highest point view might make good picture...

perfect clean bell: mhmm *smirks* thought so...what's next Vir-sama, what's gonna happen next?

Dark Iron? cool. not a monster like half expecting but i wont get my hopes up lol. Though needing a 'certain' tone screams wolfy!

:P Howling paragraph made with 2 runon sentences...should be fixed later. And further down some other errors... *twinge*

*reads before-sword- inscription* "pleeasse don't tell me what I think it is." thinking OoT aquatic chamber mid-boss

*reads last chunk* yea...yea...oh look! a half-reference to SS...Triforce fading rapidly = Sad

Great goddesses, good luck Link... time to face your shadow

and Curse you Vir! Cliffhanger!!
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