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 The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"

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Raven
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Nov 18, 2013 12:05 am

The Tournament Finals

Link relaxing with hay in his mouth would be so cute of an image (may or may not be totally fan girling, not sure) But I think that should be one more picture you should add to me to do list :3

Also master for 'Master Link' should be capped.
And you forgot "wonder" in the sentence for him thinking about Umbra.

-_- I understand what you're trying to do, speaking through thoughts, but the quoted italics still bothers me. It still suggests speaking outloud in grammar terms. ?:/ Maybe single quotes instead? 'speaking without really?'

Not sure if you'll make it clear later, since I write this usually as I read; but Link's sheaths, i know you know what you're doing but does it make sense for the Master Sword to be on his right shoulder when he's left handed? (and Umbra/Shadow Weaver on left hip)
I guess you might intend for him to focus with Umbra this match but can't envision how he easily draws the swords xD

Big ox guy made of pure muscle...hmm...is he wielding the twilian Mega Hammer? XD

3 proofreading errors to fix, apostrophe, extra cap etc.

I like how Link is thinking how fast he is moving compared to his full speed

Backwards wielded sword technique is quite cool.

Wait. Doesn't Link tap the ground if you stand still long enough in the game? ;-)

I think The moderator had them cross weapons should be had the men cross weapons once more. Don't want too many pronouns.

mid air dual mortal draw and struck the man once more in the back, Mortal Draw-impressive, Dual Mortal Draw- epic, Mid Air Mortal Draw - same level of mind blown in wowzer status. Dang.

O.o oooo Zedok. Who is this man and how did you pick the name?

The worker asking for Link's handshake was very nice. Like smile.

Yes Link in cloak is different and weird, but he still has to look highly attractive in it, that mysterious notion has to add up on the sizzling-o-meter.

Prematch I hear WW drums playing to build suspense. (speaking of Wind Waker, with the storm blowing over tonight more than once did I think 'the wind certainly was awake')

Opponent drew 2nd sword in ground, could he be trying to make sure there was always a sword nearby to attack with even if once gets thrown out of his hand?

Well elemental magic is good, elemental magic against Link not so good. Where's the light arrows when you need them?!?

"Link realized he was in a very bad position" Ya think?

hmm Umbra can help. Interesting.
Dark cloud make mirror make Dark Link. Or a Shadow Link as the coming out of mirror is similar to Four Swords though the pure black with red eyes says Dark like OoT. Either way Link and Dark Link fighting together and not each other. SWEET

What? Zedok spent many years looking for the legendary blade only to find Link received it?
I laughed at Link's shrugging response. Shows how he is humble.

and a wonderful cliff hanger to push me off to bed. Perfect.

Goodnight and I totally enjoyed this one :-)
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Fri Nov 22, 2013 12:51 am

The Tournament Closer        
.       .         just a reminder, I did have a long day. I dont know what direction my wordage might take

This should be amusing.

Your first paragraph is fairly weak. It's the first paragraph, can't be that wimpy right off the back.
"The dark Link had two sword similar to the original Links yet they were different." this sentence is redundant and not needed. I like a sentence here that instead mentions "the dark Link" doing something while "the original Link" goes in the opposite direction kinda feel. < even a typo in this anyway.
But restating the two swords are similar but different was done in the last chapter, not again please.
You do kinda do this already right afterwards, but I wish you added half a sentence that described his stance or grip on his sword; to make it more like your movie-esque style right there, otherwise its the flat edge of the blade and it needs to be sharp.

Okay the slash slash with Fire Z, along with the not trying to be smug but is still super-cool commentary right after, that is totally up to standard. High quality to match high standards.

Actually you did real good here, with the way you're jumping I feel like I don't know who (which Link) I should be focusing on during the match, as if I'm in the crowded audience. Minus the crowd noise of course ^_^

*you wrote 'are' instead of 'arm' when Link was watching it happen

"Do you yield?" Synchronized kicking sweetness. By the goddesses yes I do.
I will say, I want the final swords crossing, Umbra's chosen replica needs a better name to show that it is a replica of the actual weapons Link has and which one he used, I don't get which sword was with the Master Sword.

Woo! Cheers! Applause! Wouldn't the pieces of cloths just be handkerchiefs? Whoa! *claps*

How is it that every non-demonic monster Link fights (anyone he duels really) gets to automatically become his friend? Huh? Is that a swordsman or a guy thing? I wanna duel him... Sad... or dance with him xD

Joffrey and the winking about the ring snippet: :Dkiyaaa *claps excitedly in anticipation*

Question: Wouldn't Midna be more sensitive to her own tribe's magic? Or is it stronger for Link because chosen one/bearer of the Triforce/he's awesome?

The whole tournament lasted a day? Dang. Someone needs a bathroom and lunch break.

Aaw. Playing with his hair. So cute.

The Master Sword and Umbra laying nearby: I really like the last few words in that sentence ;-)

Ok. 1 Dream sequence is really really cool. Many mysteries and the atmosphere. 2 Its a freakin' long run-on sentence; make some stuff some periods. Half of those commas are correct placement though.

Last paragraph. Sigh, so romantic and full of bliss.

*reads last bit of [Link was] smiling at how peaceful he was." * That is SOOO not gonna last.

Eh. Let's at least enjoy it for now. Sigh.

Wonderful. And yes, I'm happy. Very good chapter tonight.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sun Nov 24, 2013 11:29 pm

The Twilight Spectacular

I like how Midna refuses to describe it to him. Reminds me of Rusl telling Link to set his eyes on the world itself in the game intro.

So a quick journey home? well that makes it quite easy to write the next stuff; oh hey, they have to unlock all that spell mess back at the palace lol.

Haha. You can't fool Midna, Link, she knows you better than anyone xD

*Zedok appears* he's a cool character but better leave soon enough so Link can surprise her >:-(

Midna drinking humor is good insertion. And quite a barrel of fun there.

The spectacular seems like such an awesome thing. Though i felt to be slightly anti-climatic. Might be since it was one huge paragraph.
But I like the 'royal family insign-nope Triforce rules all' part

Link covering his hand paragraph, its confusing me slightly. I think I get the whole thing but you placed in an "I" in the 2nd sentence. Would that be an "it"?

Still glowing in the morning? well at least it'd make for a good flashlight in the castle corridors

Okay, warping circle thing was really cool. I'd love to see that animated seems pathetic to say when the spectacular should be totally more awesome, but again anti-climatic and i love magic

Massive orb what? um... *keeps reading*

(trying to think of as many possible sources for laughter) argh! too many characters. goddesses...

recognized Skull kid before Link said he did. => Cool + Crap.

"pupils remained the golden color" => ..."remained golden" please.

cant compute reaction to most of this ending. it's i just can't.
- I can proofread fine, it doesnt require emotion understanding.


and I like Evander telling Midna to stand

There is a small atmosphere feeling here that seems admiss within your writing. can't figure it out yet. don't believe its setting per say. maybe more about Midna? the look on Link's face? I'm missing something.

"also had drawn" the swords, to "drew" lol.

um. sweet. you forgot to make the final triangles plural the 2nd last word. Reminds me of the ... [blank] Hero's Shade i think. the gold wolf.

dang.

I'm in shock i think. Can I go to bed now? I don't know what to say anymore.


Last edited by Raven on Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:25 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:12 am

Yea id like a better review for the ending. Thats the part I liked the best lol.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:26 pm

Twilight Spectacular  part 2

I do remember being mad that Link could not have brought out the ring. I'm thinking the glowing of his hand got in the way right?


I'm gonna review everything really. Because I kinda understand the spectacular better. Based on the flashing images, and Evander's comment, I feel like it not only is telling a story of the past but predicting the future.

The eyes must be Majora.
The next few tell of massive destruction and many deaths. Not sure whether that's the attack on the palace earlier or later but it certainly is not a happy point in the timeline. The end part was the artifact key thing
and I believe the golden figure is a foreshadowing of Link to be coming ;-)

Also the goodbye at the circle, it's kinda nice how though Midna made a big deal of how much of an arrogant annoyance her cousin is toward the beginning, she still kinda cares.

Massive orb in sky- oh like the image in the spectacular...I guess it is prophecy like.

I know you won't change the content from here on out in the chapter, but can you add a color to the orb? And whether it's a giant glow or an engraved floating rock? You might be going for nondescript on purpose. I can see how that would be possible.

I still wish you mentioned whether Link recognized a high pitched or low pitched laugh, because reading through I'm thinking 'my first gut says Ganon but he's dead so that could mean anyone that wants to kill him'.
I know it's trouble, but I don't figure it out who til right before you mention so later (see far above)

I'm sorry I have to fix. "Link turned to look at her and the look in his eyes silenced her question and told her to trust him" I believe should be rearranged to "Link turned to look at her and told her to trust him. The look in his eyes silenced her question (so she simply nodded)." This correction would be so it flows into the next sentence better.

[i'm listening to music for blocking out house sounds, gotta love how a dramatic mystical song starts playing]

Question: the barrier, Midna attempts to break through without succeeding. (should exclaim 'Link' here :P or not) does the barrier just separate them like a wall in OoT finale or does it trap the group/Link like in TP/SS?
-well you clarify it later. I guess that works, Link's barriers work like 'cuffs'' though I take it?

Okay, being more perceptive at my thoughts now, as soon as the immediate doom is set into motion I'm stricken with sadness.

I can't tell if "Was Link about to die?" right before Midna crying 1) is her thoughts or an author insert 2) adds to the dread of the scene or ruins the surprise for later.

Midna's sobbing. I wanna cry too.

Isn't there a reason Link is asking for power though? duh I know this

Wow I really didn't absorb as much as I should have before. I'm really sorry. 3 things I asked for you to include you actually did.

(I'm criticizing so much I'm sorry
Please note: I love how you're writing all this, I do. Between everything negative or contradictory I'm saying, put "you wrote this thing too darn well" throughout)

I definitely believe Midna would fall to her knees. Would collapse work here? Just thinking how much she loves him, the pain and weight of the emptiness of literally losing him would drag her down harder.

I wish I could give an actual reaction like you probably want to Link dying. I can't. Yes it's shocking since Link never loses but even through the first time reading I was like "But Link is gonna come back. He's the main char, main chars don't really finally die. it would ruin the essence of Link, the Chosen Hero etc if he didn't. So he has to come back" (right?)

**You're signature is terrible T_T

I'm a little surprised that the 3 goddesses would appear themselves, not being in Hyrule, but it is for their chosen Hero so i guess it makes sense. just heal him already we don't have a fairy in a bottle! and the goddesses need some capitalization as they are the respected supreme forms in this world.

thing is dormant inside, two reactions, 1) what? I don't want Link destroyed! 2) we talking the power destroys his body now or corrupts his mind later?

Skull Kid backs up (but he's being controlled again :(he good character well neutral/antihero): yea you better back up. something awesome is gonna happen

*Make sure your large paragraphs have commas in proper places to take mental breaths, I know it's huge story part but still.

This is such an awe inspiring moment, I don't like the simile like a fire brought back to life. We can infer that phrase is true but I don't like that word choice with the fire. He's being a phoenix (too cliche) so he's being rekindled. The direct statement of life I dislike, so if that's what you really wanted I feel an inner spark rekindling works pretty well.
*I prefer this change because I really like the way you went about "life/alive" later on and rather that not change*

Why do I keep avoiding the end? strange... come on Rae, read it

[This]
Can Midna even see Link all that well through all her tears? She must have made a puddle.

So... is Link now reincarnated as the avatar? (I don't even want to make jokes on my reactions, this section is so intense; it just reminded me of the other one)

the wrapping on his hand burning arguably could have a symbolic meaning, I mean Zelda has a whole bunch of those right?

Glowing Triforce: I'm totally drawing a blank on whether the lower right is Courage or not, since he's left handed. *ashamed* Since he asked for "power" so that's what he's getting? (Ganondorf is dead so the piece would be free now right?)

Now that I realize what's happening better,
Link's final stance, that would be pretty hot.
[through this= Yes I'm making comments but what i feel is probably exactly what the group watching feels: shocked, amazed, and really freakin' happy he's back]

sigh, is this better now?
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Nov 25, 2013 9:33 pm

yes much better. But most of this chapter is typed as I intended it to be. True some wording may seem of but for the way I want it to go it works.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Nov 25, 2013 11:24 pm


A Golden Power Flows

So another thing that makes Link differ from everyone else? He gets to meet the makers of his universe.
Why are they saying watching over Hyrule? He didn't die in Hyrule.

Okay, visual descriptions happening now-sweetness, still enough vagueness for the reader.

So, I'm thinking this part is what's going on in an incomprehensible amount of time before the previous flaming ending?

Okay just saying you never clarified which type of haired goddess was which goddess; that won't help anyone who doesn't really know the series.

"Shadow was moved by Light and now Light has been moved by Shadow" Does this refer to Midna's Desperate Hour?

Learning Link's perspective through all this is really cool, even if it was so short in perspective, plus he knows the thing on his hand.

For the record, you said Midna was using her mouth to cover her hand lol. So glad that's easy to read over.

Omg, I love Link; his sarcastic thoughts are the best, he's so smug.
Plus he has the best lines, the ones that are so bluntly true coming from his heart.

What? the Moon? (now how'd that get there? lol) well that would make some more sense. Being Majora and all.

I really like how you describe the mask transforming. Is this Majora's Wrath? (I don't remember all the different battle phrase names)

Okay, insert classic scenario of Link doing something epic in a 'new and exciting way'.
Woo Mortal Draw on a demon. Love the "splatter of blood and other matter" xD

Okay Twilian Armageddon, Link how are you gonna fix this? What tool in your arsenal of Goddess gifted adventure pouch are you using?

Should the Final Hours song play during this part or a more epic battle music arrangement?

This process of stopping the moon is really interesting. Flame to liquid and pillar. Link jumps in to blow it up. Does it shed a moon tear? A moon shard doesn't shoot in a direction that injures a loved one does it? (Midna would be heartbreaking, Griffin is young and has too much potential and thus would effectively work)

Okay, no one of the party is physically hurt. Now about Link... *gulp*

(ignoring every emotion now, there's quite a few) ooo 'crumbled' really nice word choicage.

*finished* Yea. Quite a few there. Well from a kind of sadness, mourning?, I did switch to a joy/relief. That's for sure. I am very happy. Still want to cry slightly myself.

A part of me is mad. The event I'm anticipating I did not forget, and it didn't happen yet! I want it to happen sooo badly. Sigh. Fine Patience. Enjoy everything else in the meantime.

I'm pleased though with this tonight for sure.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sun Dec 01, 2013 12:36 am

Morning Meditation

I like how the group is most affected and Jonas's 'swearing'. ^_^

This will be bad. Hey it's a Missing Link XD
So I take it the Triforce of Power if giving him super healing abilities? and he left for the bathroom?
*I don't remember you saying how torn his body was previously, just that he was torn apart from Midna, had stretcher blah, blah blah.

Oh of course he's on the roof. How'd he get up there? Why is that always the chosen place for mental discipline?

Let's Meditate:
1) I like the meditation dream sequence; the temple of time the Shade, todos.
2) does everything important have to be made out of obsidian? (pedestal)
3) yay to keeping from name confusion
4) this part really is pretty cool

"Ganondorf was corrupted long before he obtained the Triforce of Power" yup, said it like a champ.

a feeew grammar errors, and missing punctuation. For me, there's enough to cause skimming confusion so grr but its not bad.

Hey, here's a thought: if dawn (and dusk) in the light realm resemble(s) twilight, does dawn (and dusk) in the twilight realm resemble(s) light?

I'm sure Link's supreme dedication and kind heart would provide him with the power to reflect corruptible power :3

I don't think its appropriate to have the queen on the rooftop :P lol

Okay, Midna pushing him is hilarious! xD though i know he's tired, shouldn't his wolf induced ears pick up on others on the roof?

Yes yes we can't have a 'lost Link' now can we?

I think the comic relief here is perfect after such an intense chapter (or two) previously.
I really like it, I want to animate it Very HappyCan i? can i?
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sun Dec 01, 2013 9:21 am

Lol if you want to go ahead. But you know it will take you a while to finish lol
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sun Dec 29, 2013 8:42 pm

Where to Next?

The breakfast scene is alright. The only thing that bothers me is the I guess accents of the characters, they have that regal air to them again, more than the usual style, which isn't really a problem but when there isn't one person that doesn't have it I pretty much notice it.

My other beef is the lack of capitalized proper nouns. there's a handful. :P
between thoughts, technically pre-thoughts:
 

What? Link's pouch? Isn't that the one where everything gets magically shrunken for portability xD

I like the idea of Midna wanting to gain more skills for combat. However, there's a few bits about it I don't like. Midna would have more pride in her "tribe's shadow magic", even if Zant put a bad name to it using Ganon's power. Plus, when entering twilight covered Faron Woods, Midna dawns the wooden shield on her face and swings the basic sword around, then makes a mockery of Light Realm weapons. I know later in the game she gains more respect for the Light walkers, but Midna's comment suggests the supremacy of Twilian weapons and that she would know a bit about them. Though they came from the Light World originally, the Twilight World is different.
If Midna would have to fight without magic, I feel like it would have to be an opponent where Twilian magic has absolutely no effect. Otherwise, there would be no need for her try a different technique.

I don't like how Link is looking ready to travel then Midna fixes her hair so it doesn't bother her while traveling. Too repetitive for my liking. Either change ready to travel => ready to go, or remove the while traveling from Midna's line.

"now surrounded by trees and foliage that had finally stopped growing from the release of the sapping spell." Almost positive this is wrong wording. wouldn't the plants start growing again now that the spell is no longer sapping their energy?

Ugh, memory foggy, requires lantern, need to revisit old chapters to remember details :P
You know the amount you tend to remember when you say "vaguely"? Well I'm remembering a third of that. Sorry Tael. Only remember you were an awesome way to connect another game to the story.

Ok. Yea, probably should speak with Zelda. Yea Link is with Midna, but Zelda is wise enough to know something more about this snazzy new triangle on Link's hand.

And Ganon's tomb. I like where this might be going.
Um... where is his tomb? And why would the Hylians honor him with one?

Alright. Aside from many left out commas and apostrophes, I did like this chapter.
Back to the Light Realm, woo!

you know, I could so do a Link Between Worlds joke now but I'll refrain.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Fri Jan 03, 2014 8:05 pm



Goddesses, I just love Midna getting angry right off the bat! I can just imagine a cute disappointed almost hurt look on Link's face. I would so draw that. Tael noticing them is a nice touch by the way.

Um Link's yea we couldn't really be that heartless not to, about the grave, its the perfect example of a run on sentence. You need to break that up.

Also it's personally hard to imagine non-cursed Midna with a different hairstyle than her regal game one. I take it she would use the same clay, or obsidian as you always put, stone to do it as her imp form.

Zelda's butler is nice. Though I think of a character from elsewhere with the same name.

Hey I like the idea of installing an elevator so you dont have to walk all the way up to the fourth floor to the throne room :P
It seems kinda cool with the magic involved. I'm a little confused on where it is located though, the grand hall? The one is all those clawshot-able chandeliers. One of the next hallways? Sorry, I like setting description.

Yay! welcome! Hugs! Where's the key?! (no additional description needed) *scowl* *stare* lol.

Aw. I'm glad Zelda is going to get lunch, princesses need food, but I'm sad we don't get to see her for longer.

Big black tomb for Ganondorf, and you did include the 'dorf', I like it. I like traveling as wolf better though xD

Bigger wolf? Not really surprised. But how much bigger? In feet, or by comparison to a person etc
Lucky Midna, must be nice traveling by shadow express

I like Link's point of admiring him. Very wise. And come on, really, you gonna give credit where credit is due, Ganondorf is an impressive soul.

Short yes, but a pretty good cliff hanger too. Also, it's not as short as you think, its small/medium.

I think there are 2 things I'm missing, but the 1st or 2nd time you said Ganondorf's tomb, you forgot the 's in it. And the second last sentence, dealing with Midna. you said 'he' instead of 'her'.

Otherwise I'm pleased.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Fri Jan 03, 2014 8:15 pm

Its in the main entry, so the grand hall. And yea I want to involve him more despite him being dead
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Fri Jan 03, 2014 10:41 pm

Inside the Tomb

after I relaxed and focused I was able to see the building's details better
I like the atmosphere. and I'm glad I silenced my music to read this, it makes it even better.

once you get into the main chamber, the detail, the books, the whole concept, I really like the image. I actually really like all the things the people did for him, even though he tried destroying him. I'm glad they decided to honor him. (maybe he won't want to take over the world the next time he's reborn lol)

I guess it's an open casket?

I feel an air of respect in here.

I love how Midna doesn't want to move

The Did you know he stayed standing sentence should have a question mark. the first sentence of Midna's response too.

i like the crystal lights a lot. and the library.

Link is such a great guy. Having that much care for someone who tried to tear him to shreds.
It's calm yes. but the air works, it's creating a mysterious air, though not dangerous. Like a misunderstanding will be cleared up.

Of course I don't know how soon the Triforce of Power may effect Link negatively, which would mess my whole take of it, but that is my current feeling.

I know you aren't happy with the chapter, but I want to 1) read his life's history and 2) pay my respects. which is odd of course, but you have to understand where he first came from.

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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sat Jan 04, 2014 5:47 pm

So I've finally decided to join in on the fun and start reading this story. I've read the first few posts and I'm really enjoying it. Really excited to get caught up Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sat Jan 04, 2014 7:43 pm

Awesome Sauce!. Im excited to read your reviews!
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Wed Jan 08, 2014 1:34 pm

The Reign of Ganondorf  - 'cause it's not the Legend of Zelda or the Adventure of Link :P

I'm just gonna sit back an enjoy this little history lesson :-)

Now let's see how long it takes before my knowledge of Hyrule (and every game) screws me up :P
The excessive passive voice is a little annoying, but it works very well through all the text.

Could've put more in the pre-OoT portion, of being in the desert, but I guess that would make it really long. Plus there are countless books on these shelves, becoming King of the Gerudo Ganondorf might just be in the last volume.

Little disappointed with the short two sentences on the Gerudo, with them dying out. That part has a little more potential, but at least it's written clearly.

The pre-twilight era paragraph is really cool. The one with the (for whatever reason current) princess who died. So this is TP Zelda's mother? or Zelda herself?

The castle portion: the castle was destroyed and the current one was built. So...Ganondorf didn't totally wreak havoc on our glorious castle with the statue of the goddesses in the throne room that you mentioned them reconstructing and renovating when first introducing Zelda (that Link hookshotted her to avoid falling rubbish) in the earliest chapters of the story? Just saying.

I found a sentence needing a question mark lol.

Also I really wish we were past the Wind Waker timeline, because I loved the character they gave him, trying to find a better land for his people without the wind that brought death.

Yay ear comment! Now are his ears attuned because he's a great adventurer, a Hylian (and is supposed to be able to hear the gods), or keen wolf influenced hearing?

Wouldn't Link going around so determinedly cause Midna to wake up? She must be very tired.
By the way, I love the cringe. So colorful.

And cool passageway...alright. I am going to make a full book of illustrations for you, too many cool places.
Midna must not be nearly as light as a sleeper as Link xD

while on staircase: I thought they were magic lantern crystals
Either way that's a really good paragraph. Shows Link's thoughts while displaying action.

I know the place is dark so you can't see much, but the last paragraph could be a tad clearer on the bottom of the staircase.

"He knew a large room would be at the end of the corridor." Disappointing Sir. Perfect place right after to put a remark on Link's expertise on every blasted dungeon he's been in.

And we need a few commas in this area, I need to mentally breath somewhere xD

Wait um. What? what? Wut?!? Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Wait. It couldn't? It is. It's gotta be.
The Rise of Ganondorf! ... sorta.
I don't know if I'm surprised, or thrown for a loop, the lead up kinda said a little. But he's dead. Like Link's got the Triforce now and that guy's dead. Its not the same. But there's a body.
Oh God(desses).

Well this certainly turned interesting Very Happy
*claps* Most enjoyable.
hmmm. I want next chapter, this has good cliff hanger xD

No, I'll be good. I'll wait. :3
*sitting still* See? I can wait...
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Wed Jan 08, 2014 2:50 pm

No you cant lol. With the book and history of previous Zeldas it is actually a different Zelda from TP and not her mother. This is a time I made up where a hero does not appear yet Ganondorf is driven back without him. The castle being destroyed was from OoT and the new one was from TP. It was destroyed a second time and that is the one that the Zelda we know had rebuilt. I know I could have added dates but its difficult since Zelda has no calendar or years.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sat Jan 11, 2014 1:20 am

The Man on the Throne

*squeals* yay I'm done waiting

Wait, so there was a barrier created behind Link? like sealing him in? (like in any major room with a monster to fight, vs behind Ganondorf meaning there's a really important thing behind him)
I think I'm just having pronoun trouble xD

It's really cool that Ganondorf is cursing the Goddesses

Okay, barrier confusion halted.

I really like listening to Ganondorf here. It's kinda mesmerizing.

So if the tomb has the empty shell of the body, this shade should be the emptiness but it's a real thing since its the soul so it's an object but it lost all passion so its *headache* Arrgh. I am Error. Cannot divide by zero. :P

I think you should put a new sentence right before Ganon suggests Link's reason for coming down. Since you separated the two sentences. Be it Ganon looking thoughtful or Link looking doubtful.

So when did Ganondorf face Majora? This would be a great short story spinoff.

"You have seen Twilian magic I'm sure. Imagine that combined with my dark magic amplified by two." I love this. it just says "deeeaammmnn" xD

Also, I remember the Happy Mask Salesman saying it took him forever to track down the mask. So he searched for it. I think he would be placed guardian after the events of Termina then. Great job explaining his second nature dimension walking though.

I really like Link denying help. (and that the wizard is not hurt by it). It shows he still has room for growth. Kinda reminds me of ... honestly i can't remember if I'm thinking of Silent Kingdom or the North Castle books but one of them.

I know Link will have to travel back. Ganondorf did say 'when' he changed his mind.
Hmmm. Would Midna travel all the way past the tomb, through this darkness, and to the throne to Ganondorf to ask for help for about a troubled (maybe far in future, losing control over power) Link?

I like this cliff hanger. It's not suspenseful per say, but makes you ponder.

I hope Midna isn't too mad when she's waiting for Link back at the top of the stair case. Or freaked out at being alone in the tomb of the greatest tyrant known to Hyrule. You know.

Curious how you plan on having Zelda release her Triforce of Wisdom. I'm not gonna ponder that one. I know you have ideas.

I am pleased with this chapter. Really makes up for not getting the sections I first expected in Ganondorf's life in the scrolls. But this way he could actually, later, tell them himself.

You know what would be a great situation? a conversation between the Hero's Shade, and the Wizard's Shade.

Would Ganondorf include some Gerudo training habits on Link? Develop the dead tribe more.

I better stop thinking.

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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:04 am

It would be great if once again i could see pictures being posted. In order to see them i have to post one. But yes more developments will arise. And he I'll include how he knows of Majora later.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Jan 20, 2014 1:33 am

Hyrule Til Dawn

I wish you gave an estimate of how long Link was downstairs below the tomb.

Ganondorf smiling? devilish? proud? smug? so many options.

Aw D: Midna gets to sleep in Link's shadow; I'm tired, I want a shadow nap too

I see 3 small grammar/punctuation  errors while in the desert.

I really like this trek through Hyrule. It's quite nice seeing the land again. The thought about the Sages, whether or not foreshadowing, was a good touch. And i could have sworn the cannon ride only took ten rupees xD

Oh, Epona! I like the grass whistling but it's his horse! That is so awesome. It's my little Epona.
I will be hearing a whistle playing Epona's Song. At least until the nighttime Hyrule Field theme kicks in. There's a question mark after Link calls her 'girl' missing btw.
And she's so well trained. Good horsey. :-)
This part's kinda nice since Epona wasn't allowed to enter the Market square ingame. She needs a good brushing.

Link's sleeping trance is actually pretty cool. That's a neat idea, and you wrote it well, I like Cyrus at this point too.

That darn sun, but a pleasant early morning surprise.

I like the idea of seeing the Queen being sleepy. And i really like Link enjoying food reminding him of Ordon.

In content, the only critique is at the end of how talking about Ganondorf I would think should've been delayed until they got to a private room away from servants' ears. Otherwise I'm pleased the whole way.

Smiles :-)
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Jan 20, 2014 2:10 am

Morning Announcements

-you should be happy I'm still reading because I was searching for reference pictures for that drawing for over an hour.-

I like how Zelda is wisely calm and Midna is passionately shocked. lol

I'm pleased with everything here that is said. The comments the thoughts behind them. I just wish every part that involved Zelda didn't feel so rushed to me. I know she's a busy ruler and we need to get going, but each time feels rushed. The last chapter (that I just read) in the Light Realm didn't rushed, it felt like the right amount of time. Most of the time it's like the Light Realm is so bright we just can't wait to dim the lights and return to Twilight.

The Epona scene and Midna's comment was quite cute though.

Oh dear, Lunastria...I hope I'm not asked to do another drawing of that... I screwed over the first one so horribly xD

I see a few missing commas, I need to breathe even though I'm reading. And

Vir wrote:
the different groups would go to their assigned locations of the third tier, second tier and third tier.
Third then second then third? There's a problem here xD

Tier class structure makes much sense, it'd be hard to mess that up. Temple on top, is well the temple way up top.
Wait, isn't this is where we found Umbra? Ugh. Soooo long ago.

Vir wrote:
The creation of a world, the gift of life, evil is born and spreads, weapons are crafted to fight back, three beings gift three mortals, banishment, the construction of Lunastria, one figure holding a blade, then three blades lined up next to each other then finally the separation of the three blades across the dimensions.
First, you would have the option of separating the murals/carvings by semi-colons. Just informing you. Second the separation of the three blades across the dimensions that wouldn't happen to mean the Master Sword and Shadow Weaver would it? Along with another blade? Does that mean we will be traveling to another realm? I know it can't be the Silent Realm as that was in SS Link's mind. You don't have A Link Between Worlds so it can't be Lorule I really want to do something with it myself. Light and Twilight, so maybe a Shadow or Dark Realm? with Demise's Sword? (which would bring about Ghiraham and wake up Fi)
so many options.
P.S. I figured out how to do the quotes now ^_^

Closer looking at carvings: so this is where we picked up Umbra. xD good to note.

Gotta love our threes.

Evander is a nice tome of Twilian history. I like that paragraph.

Excavation site. Omg, secret passage!!! (with more inky darkness like Ganondorf's tomb. lovely)

Secret passage, secret passage. what's at the end of the secret passage?
Flicker torches burning with light: shining on walls as black as night.
-says sings the girl whose overly tired and currently slightly impatient.

Tar light show was awesome. Slightly repetitive with torch here lighting up, stream of tar there burning etc but yea, cool light show.

Hold your galloping horses. Sword pedestal I can see. But the gift of the Goddesses? That is supposed to be in the Sacred Realm. I can show it to you, you see literally see it in ALBW and SS. What's it doing here? Tis not connected to Hyrule like it should be, unless you mean carvings or something.

You should read these reviews and comment on my wandering thoughts. Hurry now. Make Haste. I want to know which questions will be answered.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Mon Jan 20, 2014 9:36 am

I'll make the necessary edits as needed. And as for the hidden room yes the Triforce is a carving in the floor like in the temple of time from OoT

Edit: corrections have been made.
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Tue Feb 04, 2014 11:30 am

So this first paragraph thing, it's like a review of pages 1-3. Seriously. The sapping fields, and the Norse Horses, barely remember. I'm actually quite glad i get to hear about them again. (Would the horses work out of the Twilight Realm or no? Just outta curiosity 'cause Epona is still the best)

lol it's been so long I almost forgot who Jonas was. My bad. xD
So a :Link:ing circle eh? I want some teleportation spell. That's awesome. I need that. I need some of that technology.

I just love the entire "By the Goddesses" portion. written beautifully.
Though they didn't respond by saying that phrase so it wasn't exactly but I'm just messing around with technicality.
"What is this doing here" needed a question mark.

I will be stickler with one thing though: Temple of Time, he had to travel through time 1st so he could enter the dungeon to begin with, then the 2nd stab made the stairs appear. Not that this needs editing either, I'm just saying.

Though my immediate response was Link no. What are you doing? This is the Twilight Realm, not Light. The Master Sword would only work in the Temple of Time. This is where Umbra/Shadow Weaver would work. You're smarter than this xD

I wonder if Umbra's ring has a darker sound to it than the Master Sword.

Remind me which part of the sword is the pommel please?

Vir wrote:
The light hit a beacon on the beacon switched from black to white.
What?

Hmmm. This whole sequence is actually pretty cool. The return of a shadow/dark Link and mirror is awesome. Plus, you remember how in Four Sword Adventures technically Ganon pulled Shadow Link from the Mirror and at the end Zelda had to magically lock it so Link could finally kill him? Yea, there's a few references you're doing lol. But I was expecting something that slightly mimicked what happened in the Temple of Time in the game. I'm quite pleased with your approach instead.

And lovely, even the wise sword with a spirit inside doesn't know anything about the place. That's perfect.

*goes back to reading*


WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?
NO. Goddesses! Why?!?
How dare you?!? No!!

(I whined somewhere in there)

I'm not even gonna put that in past tense. Why? And why the hell can that guy travel to the Twilight Realm? Where does it say he can travel through dimensions? I don't remember what theory said that.
I don't like you. You're mean. Why? T_T

To better explain what happened. I was reading like I normally do, and enjoying it. Wrote whatever thing above that outburst, then continued reading (if there wasn't a guy playing LoL in here, i would have definitely yelled out loud) I had apparently glanced over that 1st sentence. Because mind just went OH NO. This is IMPORTANT. You shall not read this uncarefully. Go back to the sentence before Majora. Now. Do it. So I reread it extra slowly. Understandingly. My reaction is 'this is so cool' and 'that... is... ...very bad news...' all before I read your last horribleness.
Quick side note: was a sea of roaring fire and Majora was the source, I'd rather it be phrased like sea of roaring fire spewing from Majora(the demon) for a stronger verbage and more impact.
Not sure why that book is there. Unless it's like History of Termina or something.
The horrible last sentence of disturbance should also have a ? for it is a question. EDIT: unless thats actually a fact and should be a statement lol
Also, you're already tormenting us (or the Zelda veterans at least) Where the heck is that creepy smile?!?

With out emotional attachment. Of course you'd take this route since Ganondorf is already still alive in some sense and you're referencing like everything you can. Definitely giving yourself room for the journey they'll take. I expect really great things. (I wanna know more about that book)
So....I take it the Hero of Time would have the best reaction to this?
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PostSubject: Re: The Legend of Zelda: Return to Twilight "Discussion"   Tue Feb 04, 2014 2:20 pm

Technically it could be a question but ill let you decide on that yourself.

I laughed to you last section of your response.
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